Today was my 3rd appointment at the Utah Fertility Clinic. The first one without my sweet husband there. The most physically painful one. Yikes!
Let me rewind. I know I should be recording my experience in the world of infertility. If I should be posting such personal things on a blog is another question entirely. Why I'm writing this right now? Well, I'll get to that.
I have known for years that something is not quite right with the way my body works. I felt like I didn't have a period every month. I could never guess when it would happen. I couldn't relate to jokes about the 28 days of a cycle. I just didn't have a regular cycle.
I mean, there are perks to this. For example: I don't have to be restocking my feminine supplies every month. That's about the only one I can think of right now.
Another clue was the growth of horrible nasty black hairs in the wrong place.
Another clue was my sisters being diagnosed with PCOS.
So, after getting married, regularly discussing the situation with my husband, and also getting insurance from my his full time job, I went ahead and called the infertility office.
Appointment 1: I have PCOS for sure. (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. In short, my body doesn't know how to ovulate and will occasionally develop a cyst. When the cyst bursts it's incredibly painful. Painful enough to have woken me from my sleep once. I don't wake up for nothing. That was so bad.)
Appointment 2: was an ultrasound... I can't remember what for but it came after taking some medicine and then I took some more.
Appointment 3: HSG. This means they want to make sure there isn't any blockage in my fallopian tubes. They do this by inserting... Or shooting, rather, a dye into my uterus and watch the dye on a machine to see if it travels up the tubes. If it does it will spill out. If it doesn't spill then you know you have a blockage problem and that would be a factor in preventing pregnancy. Sometimes it may actually clear blockage and that alone can help couples to conceive.
So... The thing is. When you have liquid shoved into your system it causes major cramps.
One of the perks of PCOS is that I don't have cramps 12 times a year. Within the past year I've only had them 5 times. That's the only year I've counted. Anyhow...
I am hurting so badly in my car right outside the Dr's Office. I took a pain medication before I even came and one after! I just don't know if I should be driving right now. That's why I stopped right now to write this. And I thought I'd be ready to drive by the time I was able to quickly jot down the basic of the experience.
But I am not.
And I am anxious about this whole experience. I have never been so sensitive about any subject in my life like I have been about people asking "so when will you two be having kids?"
It seems like an invasion into the privacy of our ability to create. But we want kids. We would love to have children bless our lives. We know that families bring the greatest happiness and joy. These are the people that will matter most to us in our lives. And yet, having to reach out to a doctor's office and ask them to help us is so intense. They're making sure my body does what it's supposed to every step of the way. Which is different. And unusual. And painful. And not just physically painful.
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